Starbucks Dilemma

No matter where I go to get my coffee, the same problem surfaces. I usually only throw $5 down the drain at a Starbucks if I need to wake up, or because of the temperature outside. If it's like 130 degrees outdoors, I usually think, "Something cold to drink would be nice." So I park my sweatbox car and go inside. Then. BAM. It's snowing inside and I'm wearing shorts.

It feels nice for a moment. But then I get uncomfortable. I go up to the counter to order my drink like someone who has never been inside a Starbucks before.

Me: "Can I have a medium-size cold coffee thing with lots of caramel in it?"

Barista: "An iced mocha frappuccino..? With caramel?"

She proceeds to write a long, explanatory novel on my cup so the coffee savvy employees can understand me.

I shiver a bit.

Me: "Actually, do you have an equivalent to that drink in a hot version?"

Of course I get a strange look from the girl, who is sweating from a hard day's work.

Barista: "You could get a cafe mocha with caramel. Would you like caramel sauce, or caramel syryp?"

Me: "...Uh, I don't know, whichever makes more caramel in my drink."

Barista: "They are probably the same."

Me: "...Surprise me?"

So I wait, doing a dance to keep warm that makes me look like a 2nd grader praying to pass a bathroom on a field trip to the zoo.

And then I curl up in a warm comfy chair and drink the thing. It is dental health suicide. And it's wonderful. After that delicious drink, I'm warm and toasty and comfy all over.

Soon I remember where it was I was headed, and leave. I open the door.

It's still 130 degrees outside.